


weakness

by hinamii



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Dealing With Trauma, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Im sorry about this, M/M, Nightmares, Theyre gay, aceflux kaneki, also probably, effects of trauma, general hide helping kaneki through stuff, good supportive healthy relationship, heads up there are some kinda gross things in this but its mild, other Things (°͜ʖ͡°), probably, some sort of au where kaneki got out of fighting arima alive, the most self indulgent thing ive ever written
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-06
Updated: 2016-01-06
Packaged: 2018-05-12 04:16:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5652124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hinamii/pseuds/hinamii
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>kaneki's body is weak but hide's there to support him</p>
            </blockquote>





	weakness

**Author's Note:**

> i formally apologize for this Sin i am so sorry im gonna eat a power tool

He'd told him. Kaneki told him everything.

After weeks of silence, sudden dark clouds over Kaneki's expression, and inexplicable wounds appearing on his body, Kaneki had finally told Hide what had happened to him, completely of his own accord. Hide had reiterated that he didn't have to tell him if he wasn't ready yet, but he'd told him anyway.

It wasn't exactly easy to hear. Hide had a general idea of what had happened from the scrambled audio on the tracking device, but merely listening did no justice to the sheer viciousness and horror that Kaneki quietly described, and the terror and sadness that were reflected behind his dim gray eyes.

Understandably, there were some lasting effects.

First, there was the finger cracking and constantly rubbing his fingers across textured objects. Once Hide picked up on this, he made sure to pay special attention to Kaneki's hands, gently kissing his knuckles and holding his hands tightly enough to reassure him that everything was intact.

Secondly, when there was a lull in conversation and activity, Kaneki often repeatedly and almost violently tapped the side of his head with his hand. Hide could figure out the implications of this easily enough; unfortunately, there wasn't much he could do besides reassure him that he was safe now and nobody was hurting him anymore.

Last of all was the nightmares.

They came almost nightly, and it was a toss-up as to what they'd bring. Screaming, panic attacks, violent outbursts, avoiding physical contact, becoming unresponsive–they'd all happened, one night or another, and Hide had supported Kaneki as best he could throughout all of them.

And sometimes, there were nights like this.

Hide was coaxed awake by the unconscious murmurs of the motionless boy next to him. He recognized some of them– _stop it that hurts, get away from me, give that back it's mine, my fingers my toes my body it's all mine give it back_ –and pulled Kaneki closer in response. Hide could feel him beginning to tremble, and sighed before closing his eyes, mentally begging Kaneki's dreams to let him be, if only for one night.

His eyes fluttered open again when he felt a sudden flood of warmth, accompanied by a harsh hissing noise.

He sighed again, though not out of exasperation–this wasn't the first time this had happened to Kaneki, and it was completely understandable. Hide didn't exactly mind the sensation (though he felt gross admitting that to himself), but he knew how awful Kaneki felt whenever he wet the bed. The first time it had happened, shortly after the pair had started sharing a bed, Hide had failed to notice what had happened until Kaneki woke up, and he'd had to physically stop Kaneki from banging his head against the wall while calling himself a 'shitty weak child'.

Hide didn't want to see him like that again. By this point, he knew that if he woke Kaneki up now, the lasting stupor of sleep would allow Hide to reassure him and help him through the process of getting himself cleaned up.

Lightly shaking the shaking, mumbling boy's shoulder, Hide whispered soothingly, "Hey, Kaneki...wake up. You're alright, wake up."

Kaneki stirred, eyes half-lidded, sleepy murmurs escaping his lips. His eyes widened as he took the situation in–the wetness, the smell, the stain–and he curled into a ball, muttering incomprehensible things that were no doubt angry and self-loathing.

"Hey, hey, it's alright," Hide soothed, moving to stroke Kaneki's hair. "I can–"

"Don't touch me."

Hide's hand stilled in the air. His chest ached. "Kaneki–"

"I'm filthy. Don't touch me." He sat up, holding his head in one hand, and tossed the covers off of him.

Kaneki glared at the full extent of the damp stain. "God damn it, it...it got on you, too. I should just–"

"It's okay," Hide cut in. "I'll wash the sheets and you can take a shower and everything will be fine."

Turning to Hide, Kaneki stared silently into his eyes for a moment before mumbling, "It's my stupid mess. I'll clean it up and wash the sheets, and you can sleep on the bed and I'll sleep on the couch so this will stop happening."

"Kaneki, I can't accept that." Concern furrowed Hide's brow. "It's–it's not a big problem. It's understandable. I'll clean it up, okay? It's not a problem."

Kaneki slipped out of the bed, stifling a groan at the cold, wet stickiness between his legs and the uncomfortable feeling of drips running down his thighs to the floor. The front of his shirt had gotten damp, too, he noted bitterly. 

"At least let me help you with it..."

Climbing out of bed after him, Hide set his hands on Kaneki's shoulders, steering him towards the bathroom. "Nope. You being comfortable is more important right now, 'kay? I just need you to focus on getting cleaned up. I'll take care of everything else."

"Are you sure? Because I–"

"Yes, I'm sure." He reached for a towel from above the bathroom cabinet and handed it to Kaneki. "And take as long as you need, okay? Everything will be ready for you when you get back."

In response, Kaneki made a sound that could be vaguely construed as agreement, and, with that, Hide stepped out of the bathroom, giving Kaneki privacy.

It was only at that point that Hide noticed, without a hint of an attitude of disgust, that the front of his shirt and boxers were slightly damp. Absentmindedly, he changed out of them and into fresh clothes, then gathered the stained sheets and made his way to the washing machine. 

Whenever Kaneki took showers, they tended to be long and extremely hot, so there was a chance that the sheets would be out of the dryer by the time he was ready to go back to bed; after the first incident, however, Hide had gone out to buy a backup pair of sheets (ignoring Kaneki's repeated offers to pay him back), so he planned on simply using those. He hummed an English lullaby to himself as he turned and set the dial.

Kaneki, meanwhile, was not getting nearly as much done.

He stood in the shower, his eyes blank, his head resting against the wall, barely registering the just-below-scalding drops of water hitting him.

Remembering the day this had first happened–that _look_ Hide had given him–he resisted the urge to bang his head against the wall.

He was weak. He was so _fucking weak_ and he hated himself for it. He hated that somebody else was cleaning up the mess that his useless, weak body had made and he hated that he wasn't strong enough to resist Hide's kindness.

That kindness, he thought, was his greatest savior and biggest downfall.

He could feel it wriggling again. He halfheartedly whacked his hand against the side of his head to get rid of the crawling sensation.

Kaneki sighed and straightened his spine, looking down. He knew he couldn't sulk forever. He knew that, in concept, Hide had no problem with his _incidents_ , but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop from hating himself and his weakness.

 _Whatever_ , he told himself sharply. He'd intended it to be consolation for himself, but it became a bitter mantra. He turned the water off. _Whatever._ Stepped out of the shower. _Whatever._ Toweled himself off. _Whatever, whatever, whatever...who the fuck cares?_

Kaneki felt numb. He wrapped the towel around his waist and left the bathroom, moving straight to the bureau to find clothes. (The sheets were white, clean, and freshly made. He avoided looking at them.)

"Kaneki?" A light knock on the door. "Are you ready?"

He sighed deeply. Hide had waited outside for him. Kaneki mumbled, "Just a moment," pulled a shirt on, then hastily tugged open the door.

Hide bounced a little on his heels, giving an easy smile. "Ready to go back to bed?" 

He just looked so...so _nonchalant_. He was too kind, far kinder than Kaneki felt he deserved, and he couldn't meet Hide's eyes. "Mm," he mumbled.

He caught Hide's face softening out of the corner of his eye, his soft lips parting in a slight sigh.

"Kaneki."

"...I'm tired," Kaneki muttered hurriedly. "Let's just go to bed. It's fine. Whatever."

" _Kaneki._ "

Hide's voice, that part pleading, part frustrated, part gentle tone reserved only for Kaneki, was what forced his gaze up.

"I know you. I know the way you think." Hide's gaze was steady. "You aren't weak. You aren't."

"Hide, dammit, I can't even control my own stupid body–" Kaneki was tearing up and he was proving his own point and he hated it. Hated himself.

"You _aren't_ , Kaneki." The pleading in his tone became more pronounced. "If you were weak, you–you wouldn't be standing here right now."

"...You–that's...that isn't..." Kaneki held a hand to his head and curled it into a fist, his still-damp white hair balling up between his fingers. He wanted to argue, but as much as he hated it, Hide had a point.

"Fine, okay." Kaneki forced his lips into a begrudging smile, and then a moment later he didn't have to force it anymore because Hide's arms were around him.

Hide pulled back, but Kaneki kept hold of his hand. A return to his usual slightly timid, slightly protective clinginess was a good sign that his mood had improved.

"How are you feeling tonight? What are you in the mood for?"

"Mm, just cuddling, I think. If that's alright with you. Anything more than that feels kinda gross right now." Kaneki gave a smile, a genuine smile, and Hide's head buzzed with happiness. Kaneki pulled Hide towards the bed, and they crawled in together under the fresh sheets.

"Feels better, right?" Hide grinned. "When they're clean. These needed to be washed anyway."

"Too soon," murmured Kaneki, not without affection. Facing Hide, he nestled his head in his shoulder, draping a leg and an arm over his body.

"Sorry." Hide planted an affectionate kiss on his head. "I'll send you good dream vibes tonight, 'kay?"

"You believe in that stuff?"

"No, but trying never hurt anyone."

"You're a dork."

Peacefully, the pair slept far past noon.

**Author's Note:**

> kaneki is aceflux and i invite anyone who disagrees to personally kick my ass


End file.
